Wide Angle Lens

My closest friends have all asked me some variation of the same question; what is my vision like? I get it, if you care about someone, you really want to understand the things that impact their lives. I appreciate that.

Like most people, for the vast majority of my waking hours, I don't think of my eyesight at all. I am focused on what I am doing at the time; reading email, meeting with clients, photography, listening to music, talking to friends or loved ones. While my right eye is pretty bad these days, my left eye is actually 20/20 with my glasses on, and I have a very weak prescription. The challenge is, that is in a very narrow field of view. Imagine looking through a tube. If I look at your face, I see you with somewhat of a slightly soft focus. If I look directly at your left eye I see it very clearly, but I can barely make out your right eye, or your smile. Or if you quickly point to something while I am looking at your face I may miss what you pointed at all together. All the while, my peripheral vision does not appear to be affected. I see the environment I am in such as the forest or a room, but peripheral vision is rather low resolution, so that image isn’t sharp. If something in my peripheral vision catches my attention my eyes try to snap to that image, using my compromised macula. The result is I am now suddenly looking through that “tube.” If I am to take in the entire scene in front of me in sharp focus, I have to rapidly scan what’s in front of me. A rather strange thing to adapt to.

I am not sure why I started writing, or continue to write this blog. That's a question I ask myself, and likely something that at least a few of you who read this have asked as well. I am not sure I can answer that question with any reasonable degree of confidence. What I know is that I am on a journey. I am not sure where that started or where I am going but I know without a question, it’s a journey. Something I never really understood less than ten years ago.

Over the last six or seven years I have found myself looking to find more creative outlets; a renewed interest in music, photography, and now writing. I assume these creative outlets are to fill some "gap" I felt through much of my life. Whatever it is, it seems that as my eyesight narrows my perspective seems to broaden.

Someday, my retina specialist tells me my field of vision will drop to zero and all I will see wherever I look will be completely black. My peripheral vision will apparently remain. The way I envision that is I will be able to take in the landscape without ever seeing any detail. I wonder how that will feel?

My hope is that as my field of view decreases and my perspective on life broadens I will find reward in the bigger things in life, without getting dragged down by the details; as has dominated my life so far.